Shame and the Darkness it can bring with it
To be authentically enlightened and present in the now, a person needs to be aware they are not special, unique or all powerful. You ae a vessel for knowledge or for God, Spirit a guide or teacher. A conduit if you like. Your enlightened state allows you to let go of your ego and let the light, healing energy or channelling messages from spirit flow through you. This should be a deep humbling and rewarding experience.
It takes a certain amount of courage and vulnerability to write a blog or a book. Books may well hold wisdom lessons and knowledge, but they are also a means to share and write down in words one’s life experiences, especially when challenging and overcoming great obstacles has caused you to become. Creating a stronger individual that perhaps can help others with your words. Not necessarily wisdom but experience, nevertheless.
We all make mistakes and shame is one of the most difficult of emotions. It can consume a person from the inside long after those you have wronged have forgiven you or even given it a thought.
You drink binge food smoke get high or hang out with people that make you feel temporarily better. You will do whatever it takes to avoid going home to be alone or coming down of that high. You will do whatever it takes to avoid feeling that negative life destroying emotion called shame. What we resist persists.
Self-compassion is key instead of isolation be with those who love you. Instead of ruminating be mindful aware of the presence of now. Try to live in the moment not the past or future.
Shame is invisible — shame makes us disassociate — go small- become defensive- transfer our feelings or project onto others. Shame creates self-loathing- addiction problems- self harming- my personal favourite is self-destruction.
We must learn to have self-compassion and recognize that dark, negative voice in our heads as the enemy. It is alright to make mistakes and repeatedly make mistakes. Sometimes it's OCD or PTSD or other personality settings that were broken when we were still babies or children. Sometime people are bipolar and do not know it. Split personalities constantly triggered by those around us. How can you get better if you don’t know you are unbalanced or mentally ill or avoid triggers if you don’t know what a trigger is? Some of us are slow learners or are not aware we should be learning anything. Does a narcissist always know they are gas lighting or talking at you, not with you? Do they know they are manipulating or acting selfish and arrogant? How can they strive to become better people or humans when they are not aware they are a scourge of humanity?
I had a friend who just wanted me to be an audience while she talked on and on about herself or what she thought she knew. I would listen on FaceTime while she drove around America. I would read my emails on my phone or watching a YouTube clip, totally zoning out. If I did not do this, she would deplete me of any positive energy or energy at all. Often when she was waffling, she would passively attack me by a gas lighting comment. It was normal if I was not giving her 100% attention or disagreeing with her. If I pointed this out, a rage would incur. Often from both of us. Malignant narcs my sister been just like this friend had brought me up)
My point is she did not know she was doing anything wrong. It was my compassion and love for this old school friend that kept me returning. And we laughed too had fun together. But eventually, for my mental health and triggers, I had to stay away. I have learned from this about her narcissism, myself and my triggers. How much compassion and forgiveness I have and the ability to overlook other's not so nice tendencies. I doubt very much she has learned a thing, nor will in this life.
We need to work together. We need to have more self-compassion and compassion for others. But it is alright to walk away from bad friends, bad relationships and bad family. But walk away with compassion and forgiveness in your heart. Not hate and disdain. So many broken people out there do not know they are broken. Myself included. Have a great day x
