Why do I feel so worthless? Like there’s no point to my existence.
There are countless reasons why a person feels worthless or similar this way. From clinical depression, lack of sleep, bad food choices, and abuse from fake friends and family, the list is endless.
Let me talk about worthlessness or low self-esteem. It’s a feeling. It’s something that you can be conditioned to feel, as a punishment for disappointing someone else. This is especially prevalent if you have been raised by a narcissist or within a narcissist environment or any type of bullying.
These cluster B types of environments can create shame. Shame is used by dictators, politicians, and religious leaders to socially manipulate the people they wish to control. It lets a group control a person by threatening them with, and ultimately giving them, this feeling of loss or fear if not both, if they don’t perform as expected. This then creates a lack of confidence, and a fear of speaking out, if at all. This type of abuse can (but not always) create other personality disorders. Such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Unstable Emotional Personality Disorder, all of which come with self-loathing attachment and abandonment issues, to name but a few.
Everybody you know is in the shame business — your parents, your teachers, your boss, your friends, even strangers. And the hits don’t stop there. Advertisements use it to get you to buy products. Politicians use it to get votes. Shame is a form of social control used to control you, the people, the public, and the masses. “Do this/Don’t do that or we’ll be so disappointed and you will not be accepted within the community, the office, the school/college, the congregation, or worse, your family or country. History shows people being shamed, exiled, and burned at the stake for not conforming.
Yet shame does not exist in nature. Social animals practice exclusion, so there are social controls that go with social belonging, but do lions and tigers care about their social standing? Do they wander through the jungle wondering whether their life has meaning or answering to their ego, pride, or worse, jealous sadistic tendencies?
I highly doubt it. If anything, they care about eating, mating then bringing up their pride of cubs. Not whether the lioness next door judges you for having last year's furs or living in a shit part of the jungle.
Shame is a frontal lobe thing. It’s about how you stand with others. You don’t see it because you think it’s about you. You’re wondering, “Is there something wrong with me?” I’m not saying you’re perfect. I’m not, so why should you be? I’m not saying you should be “happy with your life.” However, in my experience, it is usually when we start comparing ourselves to others — or comparing our life as it is to some dream we had for it — that we start to become miserable, which can lead to the feeling of worthlessness, and it is a feeling not a fact nor Gods will nor any other persons right to make you feel this way. We reincarnate hundreds of times and not always on planet Earth as a human. There is far more to our being here in this meat space suit we call our bodies than to make money, leave our mark on the world by owning properties, and become famous.
Once you realize that worthlessness is often a social projection, a manipulation tactic, and these feelings are not natural or God-given. That you are indeed worthy of your self-love and the creator's love, that you are in actual fact, God’s love. Within, you is the true self, without any pretense of any kind at the very core of you, lays the true you. The part of you that is connected to God, the part of you that holds knowledge, the Holy Spirit, your true essence, and nothing on this earth or the flipside can take that away from you. So get with the program, and start to meditate, and practice receiving, and experiencing true worthiness.
Yes, you are a person, a human, and part of the collective known as humanity, but you are greater than a person. You are worthy not for what you have accomplished in this world, but also for who you are, for where you have come from, and also for where you are going, and why God has sent you. We are not judged for our clothes or riches, nor our bodies, class, race, or religion. It matters not if your life has been filled with errors and mistakes, countless wrong decisions, and poor choices. What matters is that you have come from your Ancient Home to which you will return. For your worthiness in the sight of God is unchanged. This is why we are taught not to judge each other, and to be compassionate, kind, and forgiving. For none of us are without sin but are and can be forgiven. So let it be known that to forgive others who have wronged you or are wrong is to forgive yourself. The great effort that some of us go through to repair our errors in this life, (Spiritual enlightenment) is so we may experience our true selves rendering this true self into this world. Serving humanity and serving God here on earth.
Think of the outer body as a kind of space suit. The outer body to any of God's creations for there are billions and billions of sentient beings in our galaxy and beyond. It allows you to interact with the world to which you have incarnated. It’s adapted to allow the true you, the soul, to breathe air (If you were a fish, that would be a problem). We do not have a body back home, we do not have a voice box to talk, or the need to use the bathroom. It is all about telepathic communication, and thinking yourself where you wish to be or who you wish to be with.
Every major religion has a repentance process where people recover their self-respect by acknowledging what they did, by feeling genuinely sorry for their actions, by performing acts of restitution toward their victims, and by renouncing the sin. Every self-help method has something similar. With or without God, one way to recover from your bad behavior is to stop doing the thing that is making you unhappy and take measures to make things right. Do not just say sorry, but act sorry. Think what St Paul had to go through after torturing all those Christians, yet he was chosen by God to lead the way, regardless of his past.
Even then, there’s a difference between feelings of worthlessness and actual worthlessness. Feelings of worthlessness can come from your actions. They can come from someone hating you because you didn’t do what they wanted or because they were unable to love you due to their own mental health and personality demons. There can be physical causes — deficient brain chemistry and let us not forget the narcissistic personality disorder that we are hearing so much about these days.
Actual worthlessness — like there’s no point to your existence — is bad programming. That crap is all in your head. If you come at it from a religious perspective, you can’t be worthless because the soul’s worth is infinite. God loves all his children, even his bad ones. Your existence, by virtue of its existence, cannot be worthless or pointless.
Remember if you are feeling worthless because of something that has anything to do with other people, it’s socially caused. You can do something about it by examining your behavior and asking yourself if there’s something you did, or keep doing, that pushes people away. This is critical thinking, and the ability to self-reflect, and empathise. Good qualties, virtues, and emotions to possess.
Even then, what you’re feeling is not worthlessness but the loss that comes when you drive people away. Remember that no other human has the right to make you feel worthless for not following them, or not conforming with the masses. You are not a sheep and they are not your shepard. People throughout history have died in wars, and worse for gaining the freedom of speech, the freedom to be independent, and to be an individual. Is this not what democracy is all about? Can you imagine how it must have felt to be owned as a slave by another fellow human being or to be locked up incarcerated, tortured, and killed during WW2 for your culture? Were these humans, also God’s creations, worthless? NO!
We’ve all been in pain before. We’ve all gone through disappointments and defeats. There are feelings, physical, social, and emotional that hurt. Life can really suck. But everything in our life is like a sand castle on the beach. Build it any way you like. Eventually, the waves will come and knock it down. Some people have a real problem with that. They want to change the world. They want to leave their mark. They want to make a difference. Nelson Mandela, Mahamad Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Junior are just a few names that made a historical difference on our little planet. But for those of us that come and go without leaving a mark in any book, does not make us worthless. The beggar in the street has just as much worth in our creator's eyes as the king on the throne.
We are not all going to be rich and famous and super smart and super talented and go down in history having changed much of anything. Most of us are going to do jobs nobody ever heard of, for a more modest sum. Live your life. Make the best choices you can with the information you have, and just keep moving. If you make a bad turn, make a course correction and move on. Try to be kind, and helpful, where possible. Polite, civil, forgiving, and compassionate to each other. And now however small, your being here makes some difference somewhere somehow.
If you still feel worthless, make sure it isn’t physical. You could have the best reasons in the world to be happy and, if the brain chemistry isn’t right, you’re still going to feel horrible. Depression is a killer — God Bless antidepressants.
Thank you for reading my essay — please leave a like and follow me for more information on cluster B disorders, climate change, the other side, and reincarnation.
